found on..........suskera.com....kind of follow up to San's former post.
http://www.suskera.com/nov2003/america.htm

An Open Letter:
Nepalese Must Change to Change Nepal

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Pradeepji,

Your piece "Coming to America" triggered a lot of thoughts in my mind. As a "former NRN" who lived in the states for almost two decades, your article prompted me to write this letter. To be honest, your words almost hit the mark for what it was intended for. This letter is to add to what you have shared in your article.

I would like to share my experience here - similar to yours or maybe slightly different than yours. It took me a while, maybe more time than it took you, to realize where this issue was heading. However, I feel that I took the right decision on right time not to jeopardize my future on what I believed in. My decision was the same as yours - to come back to Nepal and I am proud to say that you and I are not the only ones to have made that decision. I know a handful of people who have made similar decision to come back to Nepal for somewhat similar reasons. At some point of time in your life, the educated and conscious bunch specially the ones that are living in the US are posed with the question - is money the only important thing in life? Sooner or later, they will find the answer "no." I am referring to only those who are educated and conscious of their purpose and values in life. There is no doubt that there are many who choose to go where the money is or where the money takes them. Many do not care.

The primary setback for me was the time when I realized the importance of one's background, culture and society. If you have a family, specially if you have children, you would like them to grow in a certain environment in which your values are embedded. The American lifestyle is not what I chose for my family, specially for my children. You and I both know that the American values are on a decline. Even Americans are aware of the decline of their cultural values. Churches are trying hard to teach the American society the fundamental values of human life, often forgotten by the race to achieve materialistic goals. Yet, churches are also tainted by incidents like priests sexually prying on children. With such a chaotic cultural setting, one can question what would be the cultural growth of a distinct ethnic group like that of Nepalese in such a country. I would say next to nothing. First of all, there is a struggle among the Nepalese in America to understand what they are and where they came from. There is certainly an identity crisis among the Nepalese in America. Many America-return Nepalese take pride in acting as if they have forgotten to speak Nepali although they can never speak or write English properly.

The American social settings does not allow much opportunity for Nepali culture to rise and shine in America. Since Nepalese are the minorities of the minorities, no other ethnic group bothers to stand up and take notice. Secondly, I agree with you Pradeepji that Nepali people don't thrive as a community anywhere in the world, not even in Nepal. Our never-ending political crisis and every setback prove that Nepalese can neither lead nor follow. Many of the Nepalese living in America continue to inherit the same trait. It is not only your organization, but I have also been involved in several Nepali organizations in America where people would gather around just for the sake of gathering. When it came to community or national development, people argued, they fought and very little was accomplished. Most surprising thing was the most educated ones were never able to lead the less educated ones. The less educated ones never respected or followed the most educated ones. People who had good ideas were always ignored, and with the current collective Nepali attitude I am sure they will continue to be ignored.

When I came back to Nepal and shared my experience with other foreign-returned folks, they shared the same sentiments they felt in their respective foreign countries. Nepalese, wherever they went, were able to follow the Murphy's Law of Average - oppose everything and anything the other Nepali is doing. Nepali people were able to go to different countries, get educated and make money but collectively our attitude never changed. Perhaps this is the reason for the pitfalls in Nepal. Nepal has not changed because the people's attitude has not changed.

Pradeepji, having said all this, I would like to accolade you for your decisions. It has been more than 2 years since I returned from America and I have never been happier for myself and my family. Trust me that if you have patience and the willingness to work hard, you can achieve your American dreams right here in Nepal. Because until people like you and me do not change, Nepal will always be the same old, poor country. The poor people will always remain poor. I know that there are many problems in Nepal - inflation, violence, political instability, etc. These problems are only temporary and if people like you and me come together to change ourselves to change our country, there is nothing that can stop us. But when you forget your fundamental values, which is likely to happen living in America with a (Nepali) community that has no sense of personal and communal purpose and values, it is equally dangerous to you and your family's future.

Lastly, I remember the famous quote by Gandhi that says "you must be the change we wish to see in the world." I am sure many people do not take heed of this famous saying. For many, it does not matter as the change is already happening, or at least they can feel the change. Countries like the US that has a good check and balance system may not or need not worry about the "change." But for countries like Nepal, there is no other option than for every educated, conscious person to be the change they wish to see in Nepal. You can't simply expect the government run by some inexorable politicians to uplift the nation's condition. I think it is up to the educated people to uplift Nepal, uplift the poor people. Nepalese who live in advanced and civilized countries like the US have more responsibility to practice what Gandhi said. I hope they are reading this letter!

Regards,

[Name withheld upon request]
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LadyBug bahini, thanks for sharing....truely inspiring! lekhak ko nam malai pachhi khusukka bhannu hai...he he

Truth be told, I found this response (above) earnestly silly.

If you decided to come back to Nepal, why NOT frame your decision in terms of what you and your family wanted and stop at that rather than somehow put the blame on America? I mean, who is anyone to declare, for instance, that "You and I both know
that the American values are on a decline"? Surely a declaration like this smacks of unwarranted and unquestioned cultural superiority we need less and less of in Nepal.

Again, what's the point of pointing to others by way of "There is certainly an identity crisis among the Nepalese in America . . . Many America-return Nepalese take pride in acting as if they have forgotten to speak Nepali although they can never speak or write English properly"? Is it to indirectly JUSTIFY your own return to Nepal? I mean, as they say, you don't have to blow out other fellows' light to let yours shine.

Also, while the response makes it clear that while educated Nepalis in the US are khattam (in terms of their values and their commitments to community-building and so on), it somehow puts the faith in the educated in Nepal "to be the change they wish to see in Nepal." If the educated behave badly outside of Nepal, as the response alleges, what guarantee is there that they will not behave in a similar manner in Nepal? How is t that one group of Nepalis can be khattam outside of Nepal, while the same people -- once they come back to Nepal -- can be great here?

Finally, what's the point of "withholding the name" as though the person has no faith
to stand behind his/her assertions about Nepal and Nepalis?

oohi
"just do your work with passion wherever you are and whatever you do . . . and Nepal ko bikas will take care of itself"
ashu
ktm,nepal

Scintillating arguments by Ashu here.

I have long observed a trend in Nepal where people want to boast about everything , and the returnee Nepali do so in terms of monetary renunciation. Even if the returnee doesn't do so, others try to do that way. Here are some examples I remember.

Once a TV journo was taking an interview with highly respected Dr Bhagwan Koirala of Gangalal Rhidayarog Kendra(?), who turned the baansbaari's godforsaken land into a hope for heart patients in the country. Almost all doctors, even those who dislike him, are appreciative of his efforts. A man respected by his peers should be considered truly an extraordinary, and in that sense, Dr Koirala seems to be an extraordinary.Now, this journo was asking: "Dr Koirala, you left USA. How much would you have earned if you were still there?" He repeatedly asked that question. It seems like what he did in Nepal was not enough. He needed to show that he could have earned more somewhere.And that he was a hermit , a man who renounce the worldy possessions.

Other less talented brag. I've heard somewhere Prakash Sharan Mahat told a newspaper that he gave up a job of ###in New York to work in Nepal. Even more shocking was a statement by a fellow poster in sajha, I forgot his name, who told about a man who was honoured as a model enterpreneur some weeks ago: the posting was something like "although Mr Karki was a permanent resident of Australia, although he could have earned this much in Australia, he returned to Nepal." Please, a businessman and a renunciation?was it necessary to show that a businessman gave up things and came back to Nepal? Isn't it more rational to say that this businessman saw opportunity in the land where others saw disasters, and made the most out of the land: hence he was a visionary and deserved the prize?

Why can't we give up this temptation to create Karna from ordinary mortals? Granted, we love people whose life is marked by their dedication to others in society. But those people start their contribution in society by being humble. I remember this gentleman who was first hired as a janitor in a lab in London by Sir Humphrey Devy. Later after becoming one of the most wellknown scientist of Britain and the world, he once earned 5,000 pounds doing testimonies in the courts, but the next year, when his income was projected to be 25,000, he refused to do that anymore and clung to his job as a researcher.He loved doing scientific works. He loved knowledge for the sake of his quest. He loved work, and everything else was trivial to him. When offered the presidency of royal society, he declined saying he would like to live forever as Michael Faraday.Politeness and greatness have most of the times gone together. It is the quacks who feel the desire to crow.

I remember a saying that goes something like this:

"If somebody says, it's not about money, then it is always about money. A person with high moral never talks about moral."

The article may have been written "honestly", but turned out to be full of cliches, steorotypes ands sweepingly presumptious and judgmental.

.There are some things that troubled me as I read through everyone's comments (including the original post).

1. The article says at one point "As a "former NRN" who lived in the states for almost two decades,....." and at another point it says "However, I feel that I took the right decision on right time not to jeopardize my future on what I believed in"

My comment:

Well congratulations Mr. Whoever. Two decades was the right amount of time that you took to take your decisions ( so called right decisions). I have no offense towards the decisions you took but I can't stop thinking that that was a torturous amount of time you took. I had made my decision to return to Nepal as soon as I got the visa in the american embassy. It took me only five minutes. I might change my decisions and stay for a longer time, say, a decade. But it never took me 20 years to decide whether to return to nepal or not. And trust me, it never will.

2."The American lifestyle is not what I chose for my family, specially for my children. You and I both know that the American values are on a decline."

my comment:

No, I don't know that the American values are on decline. This country has provided refuge to millions of people from all around the world. This country has laws against treating people differently. People all around the world still praise this country for its moral values and its distinct role in modern society's upbringing.

3."First of all, there is a struggle among the Nepalese in America to understand what they are and where they came from."

my comment:

Absurd statement. Absolutely absurdity. Please don't tell us that we don't know ourselves. We know who we are, what we are and where we came from. Thanks for reminding anyways.

4. "Nepal has not changed because the people's attitude has not changed. "

my comment:

I don't want to be rude but the "people" you mention in your statement is "you".

What's so wrong in the annonymous writer's letter to the author? Well, i would also disagree with him had it been said by some state heads in generalizing and undermining American values. It is his individual perception but not a dictation. I dont see any reason to be virulant against him. He might not have liked gun violence, drug addiction, etc if he ever had been a victim of such incidences unfortunately though. Or, he didn't find enough devi deuta mandirs in states in his old age bhakti....How come Deepak Gyawali can trash a much valued PhD offer (??) of a US university to many, and he can't do same for his individual perception on American values?? Let's not dig down more. I know that there are some weaknesses in the writer's appeal. But that wouldn't lead anyone to anywhere. However, Ashu's saying about "How a nepali can be a khattam overseas can be gentle at home" is something puzzling to me as well....And, it would be better if the writer provides some specific examples or incidences for his motivation to return home after two decades....just a quick thought..

Hi,
I have been regular viewer of sajha.com. This is first time I am putting something on board. There might be lots of spelling or grammar errors in this story but just egnoring those, can i get some comments or suggestion, whether or not the picture i am trying to create inside reader's mind flashes.

EXPECTATIONS

I was tired of the lectures in class and now I was heading home. I saw Sid coming from the other side. There was something different about his face. He was smiling by himself. I could feel moisture in the wind; trees around me were making pleasant sound as the wind swept through them. Sid came closer and closer. He was waving his hand towards me. I waved in reply. “Hey Sid, how are you? Today there is something new about your face?” I threw two questions at one time. “ I am fine and yes I am happy today.” “Good. I am happy for you.” “ Thank you.” “But …….” I put an unexpected question for him; “I want to know that why I am happy for you?” I could feel his puzzled eyes glancing at me. “I mean why are you happy today?” “Oh! Man COM ‘on don’t throw me your curly words. You know I can’t understand. Well, my mom called me from India and she gave me some good news.” I was curious, “Are you going to get married or what?” “No. She told me that she went to see a fortune teller and he told my mom that with in six months I will get a job and live happily ever after.” I forgot that he was a big fan of fortuneteller. It reminded me when we were working in food court and once I was looking at Sid’s hand and told all good things about his life, which was all lie but he believed me. “Well than accept my Congratulation from now. I hope you won’t forget your old pal.” “Of course not. I have to go. I am late for my class”. I didn’t stopped him and murmured ‘Go ahead my friend Dr. Wilson has a lots of things, which he couldn’t share with his wife, and have been waiting whole weekend to tell you guys.’ I saw him moving fast to grab that opportunity. I began to continue my journey towards home. I can see my mom waiting for me. She said “Balu, I want you to drop me to that fortuneteller.” “Ok.” I never denied her wants. I dropped her. “Why don’t you stay? It will take only few minutes.” I accept that too. A skinny man, half naked, and with long fuzzy beard greeted my mom and pointed towards couch. We sat down. After a long uncomfortable silent my mom said, “Swami Ji, I want you to look my son’s future.” He nodded his head and asked me to show my hand. I did ‘coz of my mom. He began to say, “Well madam, your son has bright future. He will study hard, be rich, can handle problems in an efficient way, ………………” every good things that he could think of at that moment. ‘Crap. All crap. He wants to please my mom so that she could pay him good’ I murmured myself. I asked him about my life. “Well son, you will live for 80 years and I am sure by that time you will even have your grand children.” He was being funny. ‘80 Years,’ I bumped on a stone but managed to balance. I was home. I open my door and kept milk on the gas for coffee. Sat down on couch. That fortuneteller spelled those two words ‘80 Years’ in simple way but what he couldn’t see was the expectations generated by those words inside my mom and me. “Balu, don’t worry I will find a fine girl for you. I will arrange everything for your marriage. We will go here… and there… I will do this and that……….” About two hours she was bringing every expectation out and honestly I had a whole picture in front of me. I was thinking additional things that I would do. I was combining my expectations with her. “You have to get your parents. I can’t tell you.” Dr. Vashu with terrified eyes told me. I could feel his mumbling voice when he pronounced those chewed words. I sensed an alarm buzzing inside my head. I convinced him that there is nothing wrong to tell me about me. After a long struggle and throwing big words towards him, finally he agreed and told me, “Son, you have few more years to go.” And began to tell me about my sickness. I couldn’t hear anything ‘coz my eardrums were full of noises. Noises of breaking glasses of my dream house and my mom’s expectations. The girl who was waiting for her Prince to come one day and give all the happiness, today he was facing his death. Something was burning, ‘Oh My god! My coffee’, running towards gas. There was nothing left beside black layers of burnt milk. ‘Man, Manoj is going to kill me. It will take great effort to take these black layers off. Wow! How similar my life is, all I have left is a black layer of memories and I know its going to take a lots of courage to avoid those expectations and move on with my new life’. I murmured. ‘Move on with new life?’ Isn’t it interesting that people never gives up their hope? Five more years and still I am thinking to lead my life. Where? …. How?…. Do I have any choices left? I can’t talk to people with sweet voices ‘coz I am afraid they might get closer, Can’t stay alone ‘coz I am afraid of past memories, Can’t love ‘coz I am afraid of loosing them, Can’t die early ‘coz I am afraid to be called coward, and can’t live ‘coz I am afraid of my life. Shift of words from ‘80 years’ to ‘5 years’ has changed a lot in me. I have every right to live but have no reasons left. But still I am waiting…………………..waiting to change the words again so that I can live again, can talk again, can enjoy my past memories again, can love again, and can find reasons again. But for that the words have to change once again and this time from ‘five years’ to ‘miracle’. Than got up with hope and grabbed my jacket from the chair, I walked towards Java city to have a cup of Chai……

Annam Nepali

Bhunte dai, darshan......khoi email check nagareko bhanya....
I swear to god i don't know who wrote this.......i just found it on that website , following the article San had posted about called : Coming to America.

Very nice discussions here (until Annam Nepali felt the urge to come and post his lit. here) heeh......no offense bro, but it was too long to read it, esp when i am here sick with flu.
:-(

Ashu dai really enlightened me with 'his'proverb again: "just do your work with passion wherever you are and whatever you do . . . and Nepal ko bikas will take care of itself"
hehehe.........kya chha baa. I willl feel less guilty now.

Biswo - your stories were really interesting, thanks for sharing them!

mickthesick and all others -- you have some good points too, but remember everyone is entitled to their opinion....so i will let this writer clear his head himself too, rather than bashing him with our thoughts. Rather, let's say - shower him with new light of critical thinking. I think he is bitter about something that happened as s/he comes across. So, at some points in the article his venting comes out much too 'cliche' like failedstate says.

LadyBug bahini, I have saved it for a weekend reply. I can't even think sleeping without checking emails fist...eh eh...aru kura bholi lekchhu la

GI, what made you to dig this archived material??

"I think it is up to the educated people to uplift Nepal, uplift the poor people."
So what about us lot who havn't got any degrees or PHD's or whatever??
education my arse!

Buddham Saranam Gachhami
Dhammam Saranam Gachhami
Sangam Saranam Gachhami