Hello friends,

SummerFest is looking for a Nepali stand up  comedian? If you would like to submit your video please email us your link at info@neaplesesummerfest.com or post it here.

Thank you,
Nepalese SummerFest Team

चाउरे तैले तेरो केटा साथिहरु संग खुब गेतिंग लेद गेम खेलिश जस्तो छ

हाहा हान हान सालेलाई नछोड

talai tyo game ko barey ma dherai jaankari cha jasto cha ni...la bhan ta bau kati jana sanga khelis

 Actually there were few incident during my fresh off the boat era.

1. Drinking water out of water fountain. It seems like people just bent down and the water comes. But when I do the same thing, there was no water... Reminds me of Nepal Khane Pani Sasthan ko Dhara.... Didn't realize there is a push button.

2. First day in class room in an American University. The Professor entered the room, I stood up... Good thing, I didn't say " GOOOD Morning Sir"

3. Of Course, this happened to my friend, who was in IOWA during his fresh off the boat era. "MY go to Toilet"

4. I will never forget my first visit to Subway. I pointed the picture to ordered a sandwich, thinking that was easy.
Subway: "What kind of bread?" 
(I knew only Nanglo Pauroti, and some other Pauroti. All looked same. At the same time I don't want to look dumb)
Me: "What kind you have"
Subway: Whole Wheat, .... Italian... 
( I could catch only Italian)
Me: "Italian"
Subway: "What about cheese"
Me: "What do u have"
Subway: "American, Swiss, Pepper Jack....."
Me: "Swiss"
Then comes the Topping
Me: " Can you put some capsicum"
Subway: "Excuse me!!!"
Me:Capsicum"
Subway : "Sorry, I didn't get that"
Then I have to point out the green pepper.
By this time, I was thinking why did I came here.
Then....
Subway : "Any dressing"
Me : " No thank you"


May be Mangale can script it better. 

talking about subway, one of the guys i know told the clerk to put cabbage on his sub, clerk was like that's not cabbage it's lettuce.

one guy went to McDonald's and asked for a meal, after pouring the drink he went back to the cashier and said "can i have pipe for my drink" as he couldn't find the straw.

one guy went to the convinient store to buy candies, got himself a candy bar and asked how much, clerk said " dollar ninety nine" the guy thought it was $99  and started an argument with the clerk.

chaurey NOT funny, keep on trying you might get lucky

yes my lord, you are the only one im trying to impress.

A Nepali guy, somewhere in DC, was in a parking lot trying to reverse. Unfortunately he hit a car with a old gentleman in it. The gentleman comes out of the car and motions to call the police, insurance company etc. The Nepali guy quickly gets out of the car and yells "Sir, Give me one last chance."

A Nepali girl has been advised by her Mom to be careful of the black folks.On her first day in class, an african american gentleman enters the classroom and sits besides her. While he's sitting, he accidentally also hits her desk. He goes "My bad..." The girl hears "My bag" She looks at her bag and goes "No it is my bag." ready to leave.

Few more:

I wonder why I don’t see any rear end or jugs in my gf ? I don’t know. Blame on Priya Rai.

I came here virgin & was stupid coz I paid her to lose my virginity. It should have been other way around.

As I work with my Indian boss lady, and amazed how the hell she got that rear end. She told me , “ Beta, yeh sab tumhare ghante ka kamal hai.” I don’t know what she was talking about.

The worst thing happened to me in America, chased by a stripper coz I was 2 dollar short for lap dance.

Wonder why they call it F1 status, coz you are the f**ked one. How about F2? F**ked twice!! coz you are being f**ked by F1 who is already been F**ked by USCIS.

Regards,
mangale

 

p.s. I think you better look for the stand up on the chair comedian. coz most of us are short.

Like an angry अरिंगल

A friend of mine couldnt find where they kept notebooks in Kroger, so he went to one of those sales person and asked," hey where do u guys keep your  कापी at?" he returned empty handed.

Whenever I start a job at dhoti's place the first thing I tell them is how poor I am at hindi. I tell them right upfront that I can neither speak nor understand Hindi. So every once in a while when he gets mad at us employees, he calls rest of the employee " madarchod" and me "stupid" :)

 Talking but fresh off the boat humor, there was this girl ... she used to use two hands one touching her wrist while serving food to students, very respective i guess. That always used to crack me up......

Keep it coming guys. Make it PG 13 please. Mangale: keep it flowing. F1/F2 visa status is the best so far.

On a serious note, no stanup comedian willing to perform from our community? Do you guys know of anyone?

Thanks,
Nepalese SummerFest

hello mr summerfest. Nepalis are the most uptight race on planet earth. Standup comedians will get killed because Nepalis don't know how to take a joke. Even if you read some jokes saying it's not yours, you will likely be stoned on stage.

p_didi, you take your comment back. How dare you call all the Nepalese uptight? You deserve to be stoned.

Nepalis have worst attitude. If their father makes money from corruption they will enjoy the loot and say jasko sakti usko bhakti. If someone else is caught for corruption, they will be ready to stone them to death.

 Nice thread
F1/F2 really funny

None of the one liners are mine. I simply copy pasted:

Why is it when you are are driving and looking for an address, you turn down the volume on the radio?

Friends are like a head of hair. You might lose some, but with enough cash you can buy them back.

I'm not fat. It's just that my body naturally retains beef burgers

Everywhere is walking distance if you have the time.

Enjoy!

There was no manual on how to use the shower. I rotated the knob, put my hand below the faucet to gauge water. A brief hissing sound came and to my utter surprise water gushed from the shower head and drizzled over me. With a speed of a bullet, I rotated it back to the original position. I began analyzing the mechanical parts in front of me. Then I side-stepped and slowly turned it on and the water started coming from the lower faucet. I just didn't understand why it came from there this time, although my process was exactly same as before. Somehow, I managed to transfer the water to the shower top.

Holy mother of God ! The water was frigid . The whole body violently jumped and shivered at the same time. Time to side-step again. Then began the long march of calibration. It felt good to the palm. Bravely got in the battlefield. Holy Father of Goddess ! It was scalding hot !! Adjusted a bit and it was still warm. Better little warm than little cold. Finally, I was able to consummate the hard earned shower.

Well, there was one more thing that was bothering me. I was not sure what to do with my bathing suit. Oh and there was another cloth that was wet and I had no clue what to do with it. Little did I know then that you showered in your birthday suit and the other cloth that was wet is called "Shower Curtain".