This is the real biography of Prachanda. Everything else is fake. So, please take this seriously!
Introduction
Pushpa Kamal Dahal, aka Prachanda, is the current Prime Minister of Nepal. In keeping with the Communist ideology that a man should have two names - one for the public, and one for the party - Prachanda was chosen to identify him within the party. However, for a revolutionary leader Prachanda, the fierce one, looked far better than Pushpa Kamal, flower lotus. So his original name was marginalized in favor of Prachanda. Before being the Prime Minister, Prachanda was just the leader of the Maoist Armed Forces and the Maoist Party. In between these two events of being the leader of CPN Maoists and of being the Prime Minister, he also managed to become the first and the only Wall-President of Nepal.
His personality is characterized by the rapid shuddering of his shoulders whenever he speaks. He also nods his head several times in a minute. Political pundits studying Prachanda closely have found out that the ratio of the shoulder-jerking and the head-nodding is 3.14..... . Many mathematicians believe that this might be instrumental in finding the exact value of pi.
Prachanda has shown his excellence as one of the greatest leaders ever in the history of Nepal. A party that started with two three nut three rifles in 1996 with a handful of bearded commies became strong enough to face the heavily armed and nearly 100,000 strong National Army. Few know and appreciate this but a lot of intellects believe that Prachanda's agricultural skills are primarily responsible for the success of Maoism in Nepal.
Early History and Context
It is important to understand the historical context of Nepal, and the then scenario to truly appreciate Prachanda's roles. Nepal is a land covered by Himalayas. At places, where the country is naked, there's Terai. Between these two extremes lie the Hills - products of the affair of the Himalayas and the Indian plains. The hills and the mountains were too inaccessible for any real development works, and the Terai was largely covered by forests. The only occupation for the people of Nepal then was agriculture.
Prachanda knew that. In fact that was why he studied agriculture. To harness this huge populace that had been left to the fields with the oxes. This thought did not come automatically to him. It came to him in his period of inebriation. He was teaching in a school in Gorkha then. After a long day's work of teaching in a government school he came back to his cottage. He used to drink. After finishing a few bottles of local whisky, Raksi, he slept. He woke up after two hours drenched in sweat. He went to a river, 30 minutes away, to bath. On the way, he saw a poor farmer working hard in the field. Next to the field, there was the landlord, smoking Hukka and drinking in a big house. Prachanda was appalled - My brother, who's involved in agriculture has to work till night, and this guy can drink without doing nothing. Prachanda, for a split second thought how luxurious it would be to drink and smoke without doing anything. But, he soon removed that thought. He had read some Communist books, and had learned that luxury in pubic was bad.
Marxist theory predicted that in a country like Nepal, with some communists already growing in power, and the country largely susceptible to communist doctrine, communism would outperform everything else. Sow a seed now of communism, and you'll have an awesome harvest in just a few years - Prachanda thought. Everything he wanted - communism could give.
Prachanda spent most of his free time learning about communism. It didn't take him long to figure out that Maoism was best suited to Nepal. It was the one of the few names that hadn't been occupied by any other political party in Nepal. China - the land of Mao - was just beyond the Mountains. Some parts of the south were occupied by the Naxalites. Wonderful. Nepali Maoists could suckle on the breasts of both these groups, and become big.
Then started the warfare. Then there was the revolution. Then 7000 became martyrs, and around 7000 enemies of the people were killed. Then there was the Mass Protests of the 7 party coalition, which was defined to be peaceful. Then King Gyanendra was ousted and became a commoner "gyanendra". The R from the RNAC building in Sundhara was stripped off. The Royal Army became the Nepali Army. Prajatantra, defined to be democracy, was given up in favor of Loktantra, also defined to be democracy. Many things were Lok-alized.
Prachandapath was successful.
Present Past and the Future
As for himself, many things have changed during the revolution and after the revolution for Prachanda. It was usually local whisky in the forest those days; only occasionally was it imported whiskeys. Now it's from all over the world. A big toast to life, but hey, everything is classified.
A lean man then, Prachanda now has a big belly. He caresses his belly every now and then, proud of it.
Prachanda changed the world with the success of the revolution in Nepal. Before the US was an imperialist nation, and India, too was the main enemy of Nepal. Everything with these countries changed with the internal bloodshed in Nepal. Immediately after becoming the Prime Minister, Prachanda visited these countries and proved that they had indeed changed. The Maoists are about to be removed from the Terrorist list of the US. And, the greatest victory of Nepali Maoism - it changed the President of the United States. History was made in the US, only due to and after history was made in Nepal - The Maoists proudly claim.
Prachanda is happy with what he has achieved. He knows what he has accomplished, and he knows what he is to do in the future. He knows everything there is to become successful. And, there's a very simple mantra that he follows -
Revolution is a secret dinner party and luxury should be stealthy.
Dodge the eagle, then the snake can eat the frog.
To get a glimpse of the future, watch the real Prachanda, ten years from now into the future as he speaks.
Other Involvements
Prachanda has been actively involved in other fields besides revolution and politics. He is also a son, a husband, a father and a grandfather, amongst many other things. He is truly an all rounder.
Prachanda is also famous for writing the lyrics of Ain't No Love that Jay-Z sang. Though it's highly classified, our team of experts have come up with solid evidence to prove that this was indeed the case.
I'm not lookin at you dudes, I'm lookin past ya I thought I told you characters I'm not a rapper Can I live? I told you in ninety-six that I came to take this shit and I did, handle my biz
'96 (1996) is the year the Maoists went to the jungle to start the revolution against other Nepali Characters. He became the most powerful man in Nepal and proved that he came, he saw and he conquered. He knew how to handle his biz. So, is there anyone other than Prachanda, who can say this? No. So, by way of elimination, Prachanda is the lyricist, and maybe the rapper as well, which our team of experts is yet to find.
Controversies
Prachanda has been coming into the limelight because of controversies. A recent document leaked by the Maoists suggests that Prachanda is not the Prime Minister of Nepal - it's Manoj Gajurel. Prachanda is busy imitating himself and pulling crowds in Nepal and abroad towards him officially under the identity of Manoj Gajurel. That's why the current government hasn't been able to carry out the revolutionary ideas - say a section of the Maoists.
Quotations
Prachanda's statements are big. Listeners for the first time easily fall prey to his statements. He fights not only with guns and in the battlefronts, but also with his mouth. Some of his world famous statements that have made headlines in Mahanagar and Sandhyakalin are as follows:
Every generation needs a new revolution. ( meaning, We make big money with the revolution business).
You can never have a revolution to establish democracy, only for a people's republic.
Political power grows out of the barrel of guns of illiterate people willing to be fed anything into their brains.
We will liberate the poor in the USA.
References
1). Origin of Species, Charles Darwin.
2). From Agriculture to Presidency, Umesh Shrestha.
thanks people for posting and liking this. if anyone would like to add something to this article, i'd love to add it in the blog. almost a year ago, i wrote it as i had intentions to open something like an uncyclopedia for nepal, and worked on it for some time, but i did not get much participation and hence abandoned the project.
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