i was all excited to board the plane and head to us of a (amrika kya). but she was standing there with her wet eyes bidding me farewell. she wanted me to succeed, thus was willing to sacrifice her love. I did not care much i was that insensitive bastard who ignored love and appreciation from your dear ones.
after couple of years of struggle, I returned back to nepal as a warrior who have just conquered some mighty big empire. once again i failed to see how her eyes were glaring and reflecting my success. I completely ignored her. I was no different than a victorious warrior ravaging through virgin territories.
I returned with that pride, and head high. Like last time once again failed to acknowled the tears mesmerizing the separation. I was once again that insensitive. I should not say insensitive but i never did care )O:
exactly after 10 (ten) years. she managed to come to meet me. i did not look at her eyes to see her love and pride in me. I was once again that focused soldier who is happy to perform his duty. but this time i think tide has finally turned. i had this feeling inside me. i was appreciating her so much. everything were vivid like a cinemascope flashback.. i.e. black and white celluloid. then its time for her to go back. finally i came to my senses; i guess deep inside me i had this void. when i took her to the airport. i could not hold my tears. they were flowing like monsoon rain. i never felt like this before.
she told me that i have to be stronger and face next day. i should not be crying. of course i could see her wet eyes. but there she was giving me wisdom. i dare not say a word. i knew that I would be cracking up. she told me this is not what she wanted to see me as "a weak person." She want to see the same strong warrior who was happy to go away from her 10 years ago.
But i was not the same person I was 10 years ago. i have grown up. began to realize what is important in life and what is to be loved and admired.
I turned away from the departures and just walked straight till she was absolutely hidden from my sight. i ran and hid myself in my car and cried. wow that was a relief but it did not last long. suddenly i had this urge to go back and see her. i missed her company and affection.
i sat in my car and drove back to the departure. i know i could do nothing. i cannot force her to stay. as a new born child at mercy of their mother. I looked at my mum checking in and going through the security check. all i could do was sat there, cry and watch her leave.
mum i miss you. i know what you mean to me. i could now apprehend how it is like to part from your loved ones. i wish i knew what you went through 10 years ago and appreciated you more during then and now.
