I live in a country that is not mine with people...that the more years go by, the more I find that I have less in common with. I cannot go back to my country because it is a mess. America, the land of opportunity, sometimes feels like the prison I find myself in. I am used to the ease of the Western lifestyle. I am addicted to the luxury of a lifestyle here. And yet my heart yearns for the familiarity tasted in my childhood in Nepal. I long to be surrounded by the familiar tastes and smells of Kathmandu. But then I remind myself of the other, darker, not so romantic reality of Kathmandu, and I come to connect and talk with other Nepalis in sajha.com. I don't feel comfortable enough to express my personal feelings. So instead I type on my key board to express my frustration of what is going in Nepal. And all that comes out are words and emotions that are over-used and cliche on sajha.com. Like cigarette smokers finding commonality in the smoking hut, we come togethor to inhale other people's second-hand smoke as we exhale our frustrations about the situation in Nepal.

I was so happy to escape to America and leave behind the state of affairs that was Nepal. Today I have some stability in America. And my heart longs for the familiarity of Nepal. Whenever I go to a Nepali gathering, I am reminded of where my heart belongs. That is when I miss Nepal. Because of Nepal's condition and my American conditioning, the decision to go back to Nepal is becoming more and more difficult with every year that goes by. America, for this Nepali, feels less like heavan and more like prison. But if you threaten to kick me out of here, I will protest very loudly. What a dillema?

Homeyji,
Same frustration here, there and everywhere. Thanks for sharing.

How we take it " half full or half empty".
I may be a milking place to somebody. But back home people got more disposable income than people residing abroad.

You are right, Bhojpure, but just being positive will not turn the American town I am living in into Kathmandu.

yesari nai sabai america ma educated nepali haru le sochera nepal farkine ho bhanne uni haru ko majority hunchha ani arko generation dekhi nepal ma pani naya soch bhayeka neta haru aauchhan...joon desh ma janmera hurkiyo...tyo desh ma jana khasai garo hudaina.....firsy ma halka garo hola tara baani parchha...

गर्न सक्नेलाई जहितही, नस्क्नेलाई कहिन कही (nowhere).  So it varies people to people about their satisfaction level and the reasons to be satisfied, I will not judge other with my achievements.

Well said Homey Jee,
You have spoken the feelings of majority of Nepalese, if not everybody.
Thanks bro !

same here man, i dun wana go Nepal nor can I live here happily

You can make it what you want it to be...what do YOU want it to be? HEAVEN or HELL?

Yes, I agree with others on this thread. Power ranger, Syanjali, Bhojpure, you say that I can brainwash myself into forgetting my childhood memories and what I feel for Nepal. Please teach me. I am also having the problem that Pire and Homeyji and others are talking about: kasto desh banaaechhana hamra purkhaharule..birsana kati garo...

Power ranger, Syanjali, hazur haru ta successful hunu bhaechha in being able to forget Nepal. Please, brainwash the rest of us also so that we can dull the pain of our hearts and enjoy America like you do. Please convert the rest of us also into your 'be happy by forgetting Nepal' religion.

in term of arts, i saw many good purano statue and historical paintings house in the  thulo thulo meuseum in which do not know where its should belong and sit to as ....either just temporary in the glass , rightful owners or back to its origin...k garne...

This is what many of us feel here esp the ones thats been here for over 10 ~12 yrs or more.  I always thought escaping Nepal to US and US to be my Sangrila.  As years passed I am missing everything about Nepal more and more.

By no account I am under-achieved, I have a decent job, moderate house, dog, wife, kid (very young) and drive a nice car but seeing my friends go back to Nepal each year is making me feel more and more wanna do it. 

I miss the days where I had to handshake the same person 5 times a day (each time we met), hanging out in Peepal bot, I miss the early chants of nau-ratri and early bells of IndraJatra.  I miss the lakhay dances, fighting to drink whiskey from bhairavs mouth, miss all the local foods from ktm, patan and bhaktapur, miss dasain, tihar and all the festivities, miss the feeling of completeness.  Even though I have everthing we need here for a comfortable life I dont feel complete I feel like one little piece is missing.....and now I wish I could just pack up and leave or be 100% happy here.

We struggle here everyday why not make that struggle in Nepal?  We constantly talk about Nepal, we always compare food and life style we had in Nepal so why not just go back?

Questions that keep me sometimes awake at night....

1) Is it worth it to start all over again?  I have invested so much time money efforts and years here....

2) What if I am not totally happy in Nepal? 

3) What will i do if i cant do sth or get a job of my liking.

4) Will my family be happy too?  What if they are not? Nepals a mess can get nothing done, there is bribery everywhere, corruption in the grass roots, I do not want to go back to Nepal looking and hearing about the 1 % of  priviliged ppl there.......

 

 

Ban ko chari ban mai ramauchha bhane jasto.......I m pretty sure we will be most happy when we go back to Nepal......We work so hard to earn a degree here and we cannot just pack our suitcase and go back coz in this world of instant gratification, we fear we wont have all the luxury we have now.....Tara one thing is for sure.....Western life is so like a hamster wheel. Same shit just different day......A vacation comes once in a year n thats about it. The more years pass by, the more I miss everything about nepal.
    One thing is for sure though, we first generation nepalis has to struggle a lot because of the identity crisis. We do not completely fit here nor do we fit back home. Apparently, grass looks greener on the other side of the fence. Nepali haru yehan aauna paye danga....yehan hune lai chahi nepal ko yaad le marne bho.

Duitai haat ma laddu kaile pani painna mitra haru.its one way or the other !!! Face it !!!

कुरै को लागि कुरा मात्रै  हो यो ।

मित्र लड्डु दुई हातमा हैन सक्ने ले चार हात खुट्टामा पनि पार्न सक्छन।
कुरो एत्तिनै हो प्रयास कती गरियो, सहि समय , सहि ठाउँ र बातावरण मिलेको
 बेला तिर अचुक लाग्न सक्छ र खेर पनि जान सक्छ, बालुवाको पुल बनाएर
 बस्न खोज्ने हरुको लागि कुरो अर्कै होला।

I would rather define it as quicksand. Once you step on it, you will never get chance to step out!

 

Admitted that the current situation in Nepal is somewhat disheartening. But is it because we lack the courage to have an imagination?

Think of all the Indians and Chinese who were in the United States who had come 30 years ago. Today their nation has progressed so much that many of these Indians and Chinese are returning back home. I know of many Indians who once they get their education and some work experience, choose to go back to India and live in a nice house, have a driver driven car and hire some servants. They have a status and name and are 'somebody' in their society back in India rather than live as a nameless faceless entity in America.

Similarily, since China started to have progressive reforms in their economic policy, many Chinese in the United States and Europe have chosen to return back to China and do business from there rather than live in the United States.

Have the educated and enlightened people of sajha.com given up that Nepal could achieve something similar in the next 20, 30, 40 or 50 years? If you asked the Indians and Chinese who had migrated out of their nations just 30 years ago where India and China would be today, they would have laughed at you as a dreamer. But look at India and China today. Are we giving up on the fate of our Nepal too quickly?

In the world today, it is not possible to "live" in both Nepal and the US. You have to make a choice. Whether to settle here or there. And I agree, it is not easy to just pack up leave. You HAVE to make a decision. One can not be happy living in a dilemma.

IF you are not able to make a decision, you have to go live in Nepal for sometime (6 months - 2 yrs) and decide for yourself. After living there for 2 years, you should be able to decide whether you can live there or not. Unfortunately, this is possible only for those who can afford to do this "experiment".

HAPPINESS IS A CHOICE. IT'S NOT A DESTINATION.