Ive been regular viewer of Sajha for last 5 years and today I have decided to share my personal story to sajah members as my privacy will be secured here. I was keepin it for many many years within myslef.  Its the story which I have not told to anyone, even the best of the best friends of mine are unware of it. I decided to write it up here. Ive just writtien it randomly so excuse the spellings, grammars, structures and it is also my firsrt posting

Regards
Roshani Ko Jyan

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I have just returned back fom Nepal, it was a good visit after 5 long years. During 4 weeks visit the most pleasant moment came when I met Roshani.. She was still the same, long silky hair, slim body, tilted yet beautiful nose and reserved nature. Roshani Sharma is the girl whom  I have loved more than anyone else in life. We studied together for 6 years from class 5 to SLC. And it was the first time I was meeting after SLC, that means it took whole 10 years to meet her. Nobody on earth knows how badly I was waiting for this moment.
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Back in early 1990s when I was studying in class five, three new students came to our class, people used to talk that one of them was really talentd and a first girl of boarding school. I was little nervous as I was the first boy of the class. Ours was a very ordinary government school somewhere in Gorkha. As I hailed from very poor family, those new students with clean clothes look so beautiful. Since then I started liking Roshani. She was very talented and beautiful too. That was my first love, innocent love in those tender age where I did not even have clue what really that was. However I felt so happy every time I saw her.

For the first time in life I became second by meager 4 marks but I was very happy for Roshani, she surpassed me but I didnot know why I was happier than her. they were transferred to sarkari school as boarding school where they were studying got closed as students were not enough. She was from bazaar area, her house was just few minutes from school and her family were one of the richest in that area. They owned 2 trucks and a huge kapadako dokan (fancy pasal) whereas I was from pari gaun, and from very poor family. I always dreamt of having chappal but had to manage with RASILE BAHDEKO CHAPPAL. No money to buy anything.
 

Everyone in school was talking about Roshani, she has not only become class first but also Whole first (School first). Time went on and I liked her more and more. Perhaps I have never liked anyone like I did to her. She used to stay in second bench, I always used to sit just near to her, when sir was teaching my eyes were glued to her. When I remember these things now I really donot know what happened me when I was merely 11.

Time went on, we were on class 9, she was first and me second. In those days, they only had TV in that area, everyone used to listen her guff in leisure period, I still remember when they talk about Philips Top 10 and Zee Horror Show, Tara, Swabhiman, Waqt Ki Raftar, Fauji, Close up Antakshari etc etc.

We used to talk rarely and other friends thought we were DUSHMANs as we were fighting for first position but that was not true. I had willingly sacrificed first position for herOur total no difference used to be not more than 10-15 marks, and knowingly I never did Maths exam well. . She was weak in Mathematics but I was mastermind.  She has never scored more than 70 and I could have easily got 95 or even 100. But I never got more than 50, it was calculating exam for me, just for her sake. And she was unaware of it.

Saturdays used to be the longest day for me as I could not go to school, in other way I could not see her. Next day I would go to school just to get her glance. Sometimes I went Bazar just thinking if I could see her. As I was also good looking guy, many friends (esp girls in class) wanted to get close with me, but in my mind there was nothing than Roshani. In our tiffin break students used to have 1 rupiyako motor tarkari and dunot in nearby hotels but she used to go home as her house was pretty close. I waited in classroom until she made a move and came back earlier before her arrival.

Sometimes we used to exchange note books and she asked me for some Maths help, ‘Eikik niyam’/unitary method  was the most difficult for her so I taught her many times and it was great chance to be with her. Forget about talking, even by seeing her or sitting in same bench made me the happiest man at least for whole day.

I must confess, I loved her and I could have done anything for her. It was so pure love, I wanted nothing in return. I just loved unconditionally. If she had asked my life, I would have easily sacrificed. I donot know how to explain. Few times we went together to take part in HAJIRI JAWAF and SPELLING CONTEST to other schools and I still cherish those moments, perhaps those memories will never fade away from my life. Sittling in same bus (not even same seat) made me so happy. I felt sooooooooooooooooo delighted.

I have had no idea what she felt about me, I think she never thought in that way, or she did? God knows or even if God does not know, it does not matter. But I truly loved her. Exam days used to be the most colorful days for me not because I cared about good results but I would get chance to sit with her. Being a first girl she always got in first bench and me just next to her. We had longer communication before exam started, she used to share how hard she was studying and always feared of me. In return I always enjoyed her company, relaxed and I kept listening everything she said. I was never bothered abt exams. Even after exam started I just kept watching her from behind, she had a wonderful long silky hair. Just to touch her I excused of asking ruler/compass and other things, that was also true I did not have geometry box.

Thigns kept changing but my love was same, as pure as morning dew. I loved her more than anything else in the world. Now she was in great fear that I would be first as we had to take 2 exams on Mathematics (OPT Math and Compulosry math) but foolish she was, I never let her be second, I did averagley OK in both the subjects, I mean I got hardly 110 out of 200, that was my intention to make her first.  Then out of shock I became third in class. Roshani was first, the other girl stood second. I was not happy myslef but she was happy, I could not ask more than that.

 

I was thinking to say that I love you but in those days I never could get courage. Every night I saw her in my dream and the next morning I cursed why should I have woken up so early. Even in my dreams she was so sweet. To say frankly she was average looking girl but for me she was more than Monalisa and Cleopatra. Perhaps that’s the real love and Passion.

 

Ours was a Sky blue shirt and blue pant (school dress), I only had one pair that too swed in class 7 and I was already in 10, appearing for SLC. It was very tight But Roshani used to change the dress every now and then. I did have nothing except those old dress. But she used to wear Sun ko sikri, all talked in school that, it was made up of  ek tola. She looked so wonderful on that golden chain. The day I came to know the price of that gold chain I quit dreaming about  her, there was a class barrier. Moreover she was upadhya bahun and I was Shakya (a Newar). But deep down in my heart I loved her immensely. But I loved her so secretly that nobody even had a clue of it. So far nobody knows the truth.  How hard I tried it was not goin to be materilaised, she would have not accepted me that’s why I did not even think of expressing my unconditional love to her. I was just happy seeing her, everyday, sometimes in school and other days in dream.

We passed SLC, and moved to Chitwan, I did my Inter there, I heard Roshani went Pokhara. No contacts, I could not even meet her. I tried but she was not at home. That was very daring to visit her house just to see her, as her FAMILY were a kind of JAMINDAR and TYO AREA kaa sahu. But I did not fear anything just went, but all in vain.

There was no interent in our times so we remained out of communication, perhaps she was least bothered about me but I was always remembring her. I was away from all our school friends circle so there was no connextion at all. I spent few years in Kathmandu, I heard from some friends that she was studying in Pokhara but no contact at all.
 

Then I left Nepal, and just last month when I went home after 5 years, we met in Kathmandu……..We spent 7 hours together in Dubar Marg Nanglo.

----------I will write everything soon-------

 I knew that she was in Kathmandu so I tried to conatat her, I myself went to her office and tried to find her wherabouts, now she works for UN in Nepal. When I went to see her she was on filed trip and I just got her ph no, called many times but network was not working. I left message and my ph no.
 

3 days before my flight I got call from her and we decided to meet at Nanglo at Durbar Marg. She was right in time and me half an hour ealrier. I was too excited to see her. She was still same which I liked v much. We talked a lot about our school days. She was remembering all the small things. It was really pleasing. She asked me if I was here  to get married. I said its your job to find a girl for me. She answered surprisingly ‘Yedi jaat milne  bhaye ta ma nai bihe garthe ni timi sanga’, I could not believe my ears, later she says’ Oyee, k bhayo? maile ta joke po garkeo’. I asked her why she had not married yet, she also told its my job to find Mr. Right for her. She  has certainly been more open than before. She has grown tall and very slim, looking gorgeous. We talked everything from our school days to future plans and marriage thing. Many times in between she asked some ineteersting questions ‘Did u like anyone in school days’? I did say ‘Not really’ She kept on forcing ‘please bhanana koi mann parthyo ki’. But I did not say anything.

 

I could not understand myslef why I did not express myself, after that 7 hours she asked me I should visit her house, it was already late but I could not deny her, we hired a Taxi and went to Chakupat. She made really nice tea and we again talked and  talked. She said sorry for being out of touch for so long and promised to keep communication alive and I left her house. ‘Feri ramra ramara ketiharu dekhera malai bhulne hoina ni’ she joked again but I took very serioulsy.
 

Then my phone started ringing very often and it was her. She again invited me in her house and gave some wonderful gifts. While talking I came to know that  her parents were very strict about JAAT-BHAAT, she told she would never hurt them and would marry anyone their parents choose. Her first priority was UPADHYA BAHUN. I questioned her u even being so educated, cant u manage your parents if u meet some nice guy who is not of your cast? Then she said ‘khai ahilesamma ta bheteko chhaina, ki timi bihe garchhau ra ma sanga’ I was again RAATO PIRO…..had no answer. but at last I told ‘ la aba timi ra ma biha garau, garne ho?’ she laughed loud . In every sentnce she was praising me, my looks, my progress, my job, and many things. Somhow I could clearly sense that she liked me.

 

There are somethigns in life which is destined and marriage is one among them so I think she was not made for me. I still like her as before but I donot want to hurt her, first thing she wants BAHUN which I am not, and that’s her first priority (including her parents) and secondly whatever or wherever I am, I am always a same poor guy from village (in her parents eyes) they may not accept a poor guy marrying the DAUGHTER OF THE RICHEST in those area. They will be hurt.

 

Now I am not in Nepal and we are exchanging mails regularly, I feel so happy to read her mail. I donot know why and why my intution says we are not made for each other. Im very much confused. there is no doubt I love her more than anyting else but I am simply letting her go from my life. Its strange that Im doing nothing when MY LOVE, the girls whom I LOVE more than anythign else is right there. Do I simply let her go? or I must express my love to her……..right now? Im confused soul……and its first time I am asking solutions from unknown (internet friends) because I cant face my real friends know this situation.
 

I love you Roshani, yesterday, today, tomorrow and always

 

Regards
Roshani Ko Jyan

It seems from your story, it's not her who has the problem. It's you who's got no BALLs to open up to her. I know things can get complicated in our society, but once you get settled down, it will be allright with her parents and her too. I'm pretty sure you're a descent guy, educated and making a living here, I don't see anything better for her than you. Her parents might stick with their Jaat, but it doesn't necessarily mean someone who will love her, like you do.You do the math.
This is your golden chance, don't miss it. Go back and propose her. I would not recommend doing on the phone from here, things might take the wrong turn. Face to face is better.

DON'T WORRY. YOU FIND A BETTER ONE. THERE'S ALOT OF FISHES OUT THERE.

LIVE YOUR LIVES AND DON'T LET THIS THING CALL LOVE HINDER YOUR LIFE.

 

Go and get your love before it gets too late. Don't cry your whole life that you made the mistake. You still got time. Just get it dude.

so wonderful n pure love. but u need to tell her  n know her feelings dude.make ur luv as simple as possible. So go ahead n tell her that u wanna live with her till eternity.wish u good luck.

Dude what the hell??? Just go a head call her tonight and tell her that you loved her from the beginning . when u said that u kind a think that she likes you too then what u need next just tell her everything and rest on her just make her think about you from inside....Caste, Class and race are nothing infront of Power of TRUE LOVE. so tell her everything and rest on HER.

Good Luck

Roshani ko Jyan,Really great to know that such pure love still exists in today's world. Good Job. You should go ahead and email/call and let her know every thing--from the very first thing.If you do not do that, you will be doing yourself and her a big disgrace, which you will regretforever in your life. There's nothing wrong to live or love someone; the only thing wrong iswhen the person you love/like does not in return love/like you, are & you're still behind him/her.So, pls have respect for your pure and sacred love like the Holy Ganga and express yourselfto her. You never know, she might be liking you also. Wouldn't you want to make her orsee her happy??????? I bet you do. Caste or jaat bhat-these things come later; first thing is guy and girl should like each other. If she also likes you, her parents, no matter how jaat bhati, they might be willagree to yours relationship, because daughter's love and happiness is above all other proirities for parents (I am sure this is the case although I do no have any kids).Furthermore, they would want to give away their daughter to someone "jaat namilne"but educated, having a good living, good charactered person rather than "jaal milne" with limited qualities.Bottom Point: go for it. Even if she does not like you in the way you think of her, you will see the clear picture and atleast not live in "she loves me?? she loves me not???"Good Luck. PLS keep us all updated on this thread only what the outcome comes to be. 

"but at last I told ‘ la aba timi ra ma biha garau, garne ho?’ she laughed loud .....................Somhow I could clearly sense that she liked me."

what did she say about your proposal? she only laughed and that's it? If that is the case she only likes you as a friend. Possiblilities may be the following:

1. she says she loves you but won't marry you because you are not punditji and her parents won't accept and she cares about their feelings: real meaning she won't marry you but don't want to hurt your feelings.

2. You know she likes you and likes to spend time with you: We men are wired to think and hopelessly hope that like = love. This won't be the first time and you won't be the first person to have this misunderstanding and to top it off be in denial about having any misunderstanding.

3.  Have you said that you love her and want to marry her, literally and not casually? Maybe you need a reality check. A lot of times we want something so bad we start living in a alternate reality and feel that everything is going according to our wishes except for this little one thing, which in your case is "the devil bahun thing".

4. And lastly, you said you cannot marry her because it will hurt her parent's feelings and consequently hurt her feelings. What about your feelings? And what about her feelings being hurt because she loves you and cannot marry you? It seems like she's gonna have a "hurt feeling" regardlessly. Go figure!

RKJ, Nice, emotional write up. But I hope that you have changed the girl's name to protect her privacy too. Real names aren't supposed to be used atleast for this kind of story.

I think you should go ahead and divulge your feelings to her, leaving the rest to her and your destiny. You will feel the years old emotional burden inside your heart reduced. Good luck!

When a gorl is keeping in touch with you via email. You should know that she likes you. Like and love are very close words...they can be swapped with each other when needed. This will not take much.

Looks like you really don't care about her. Or you would have known she is interested in you. Be smart like her..........she has already said so many words to show that she can or she is willing to think incase you are the guy from other caste.... who is willing to wed her.

She is rich...I am poor doesnot count anymore as you have come to USA and even if you havenot made money to make yourself rich by now...........you can if you work a little hard and act a little smart.

One day she will wed to someone else and you will be so sorry that you didnot tell her your feelings!

Tell her your feelings and let her decide what she wants to do. If you don't say.You will regret for the rest of your life.

Nepal has changed big time also. Now people have overcome Jaat paat so, Let her decide.......if you are worried. Looks like you are only thinking from your end. Listen to what she has to say.

Also never feel embarassed incase it doesnot come out to be succesful. You just have to let go at that end.But I think it is a mutual feeling in between you two so it will surely be succesful. Tell her how you feel and have her make the decision.

Good Luck!

it was a nice story ... but u had not given a proper end to it ... i don't want you to be in confusion that you should have told her about ur love to her ... there are lots of ups and downs in my life also and form that i can say u must say her your heart feelings what u think of her ... she might be expecting you to initiate as girls rarely starts such things ... so be man am tell her that u love her ... if the answer is no or confusing then also its fine ur love is not going to decrease ... just continue loving her and keep in touch as a good fren ...

what else should i say

again, your story is good but i don't like it as the end you are trying to give is bad ... u must at least tell her about ur feeling once ...
rest is urs ...

Roshani Ko Jyan,

 

I guess everyone of us go through this love phenomenon during our course of life. At times, we succeed what we plan while at others can't. Sometimes, we achieve something we like but don't deserve while at other times we dont achieve what we truly deserve.

Love is truly a repetition of action while at times it could be simply an accident as they say love happens at first sight. Whatever it is, Love is truly a feeling, a pure emotions that attach and binds two hearts.

With regard to this particular love story, I would say Roshani Ko Jyan is a fortunate guy yet not smart enough. Yes, there are things in life we can't simply change as such Girl wants to marry from her cast just not to let her parents down and things may not work well for the boy on the backdrop of such circumstances. 

You're truly a lucky.  Just candidly express that you love her from the very beginning and you will love her throughout her life, you want her in your life but not at any cost. You want to see her happy and if she understands this well, I am sure you both can be together without letting anyone down. Girl's family will be ready to hand her over to you.

 

Good luck to you. Act smart and act prompt. That's all what I can say from my extraordinary experience.

 

 

Roshani Ko Jyan,

 

I guess everyone of us go through this love phenomenon during our course of life. At times, we succeed what we plan while at others can't. Sometimes, we achieve something we like but don't deserve while at other times we dont achieve what we truly deserve.

Love is truly a repetition of action while at times it could be simply an accident as they say love happens at first sight. Whatever it is, Love is truly a feeling, a pure emotions that attach and binds two hearts.

With regard to this particular love story, I would say Roshani Ko Jyan is a fortunate guy yet not smart enough. Yes, there are things in life we can't simply change as such Girl wants to marry from her cast just not to let her parents down and things may not work well for the boy on the backdrop of such circumstances. 

You're truly a lucky.  Just candidly express that you love her from the very beginning and you will love her throughout her life, you want her in your life but not at any cost. You want to see her happy and if she understands this well, I am sure you both can be together without letting anyone down. Girl's family will be ready to hand her over to you.

 

Good luck to you. Act smart and act prompt. That's all what I can say from my extraordinary experience.

 

 

You can only get so many second chances in life to make things happen again man. You should be thankful that she is not someone's yet after all this time. From your writings i can sense that she is letting you know her availability to you. Act smart. Don't call or do face to face talk now coz she might get overwhelmed. By writing to her and let her know, i think she would understand, plus it would give her time to think as well.

Write to her tomorrow, you seems to be a good writer - tell her the story you told us. Do it tomorrow, if you get negative reply - tell her its APRIL FOOL man. Do it tomorrow or else this thing will hunt you for the rest of your life.

C'mon boy, dont let your love fade away. It clearly shows that u both r interested with each other.She already told u that she cannot hurt her parents. If u have balls n bat, go call her and tell her yor feelings. Or if u got no balls n bats, u better tell her to read your story on sajha.com
good luck

Well said, Poon-Hill!

RKJ, write her ASAP; don't let this wait any longer. Be a man, have courage and pour down your feelings. Either way, acceptance or denial of your proposal, is a good answer for you. If she accepts your love, that is great! If she does not, you will be crystal clear and will go your own way.

Good Luck............I am just waiting to see the happy ending bro...

The God of Love, Lord Sri Krishna be with you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

RKJ,

   i respect your true love but more than that, i respect your hard work and  achievement. its not in everybody's hand to success in life as you did despite being so poor. what i want to tell is that if she wants to go with her parent's wishes then let her go, let her marry with a guy from her caste. dont feel that you losed her, you let her go, you have already made her yours since you let her stood first in the class in school. so rather than keeping yourself depressed or confused, find a girl for yourself who becomes happy in your success not in your failures. love your family. dont run after a girl. save what you have achieved, of course, through many hard times...

Dont propose her at all.... Frm your situation it looks like  she would definately say YES.. so wat after that ?? happy ending to your love story....No..after that you would find out that she has defects too ..there are stuff you wont llike abt her and she wont like your farting habitt either...ani you'd would also realize that she isnt that great as you thought and not as beautiful as in your mind..small things will matter... All her beauty frm 5th grade till now will be gone after your honeymoon...and i really pray all mighty heaven that you dont change  frm roshani_ko_jyan to roshni_ko_jyan_line_mache........  So dude  lets preserve her BEAUTY and your pure LOVE............Let it be alive till the end of time...after all, all good love story has sad endings...True love is alwayz tragic..learn frm da Classics,, like munna and madan,,romeo and juliet......

Thank you everyone for meaningful suggestions, Im taking it very seriously. And more thanks to those who have sent me mails via Sajha.

With Love
Roshani Ko Jyan