A MISERLY IMPULSE

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Ram ram ram -- Dhalku Bishalnagar le ta hurakako hamlai -- katha ma mai chhu ki jasto laagyo bhanya --

lekhai ta ke kura garnu -- jaatra ki taruni jasto --

welcome back sum_off. wanted to be the first to greet u.

Everyone is tormenting with half finished write-up.

Anyway, excellent work. Liked the meticulous details.

oho sum_off dai, been a long time. Was anticipating your next and here it is. Got some work so will read later, bookmarking it for now.

Occult

I guess, you're trying to experiment with different styles of writing as we've witnessed in few of your recent stories. I don't know anything about literary writings, but I think above kind of detailed writing may fit more for novel than the stories; I may be totally wrong.

Thanks again for sharing this story with us; hope to see your second part soon.

Nice going! Eagerly waiting for the next part :)

hey sum_off!
good to see you man after a hiatus...

am saving the read for the evening with an after-work mocha ..i normally like to see 70mm celluloid movies in a more relaxed mood ke tesaile matra

khai aja haaf tyam samma matrai dekhauchha jasto chha --

Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.

Yeh dil maange more.

Hurry up, Sum_off.

 

Deep,

 

Yo haaf haaf garera vanna nahune story thiyo. Ali hataar gariye chha kyara post garna laai.

 

Kathmandu ko population last 30 years maa 10 times badhi sakyo, tyo Dhalku ra Bishalnagar jodne baato chaahi jatraa ko tatrai. Oys_Chill pani jawanaa maa email aadaan pradaan hudaa ma pani tetai ko ho vanthyo. Kahaa gayo tyo thito? Nikkai raamro lekhtyo.  

 

Deep you are doing a great job keeping Sajha saaja (‘fresh’ kya) with your stories. Thank you for writing long stories. It is great to see a writer who is passionate about telling stories, telling stories.

 

Tyo Baangey dada pani ho ki, khaali hallaa maatra garne ho? Bajjiya laai ek English maa dialogue dinchhu ani thaha paauchha. Bishalnagar tira ko ta haina ni hagi?    

 

Amber,

Thank you. But Deep already beat you. I have one suggestion (only because I am older than you are):

 

Writing is human. Editing is divine.  

 

You need to edit your otherwise excellent stories.

 

Bhakunde_bhut,

Lau, aru ko ris malaai kina pokhyaa ni? Ma ta usually part maa lekhdina ta lekh haru. Ali hataar gariyechha. Sorry.  

 

Gahugoro,

 

Thank you so much for the constructive comments. You always make me think.

 

Here is my argument:

 

The detail in this story is the story. If you are reading it wishing a linear progression of the story, they are in the details. I have always felt that traveling is not all about reaching the destination; a lot of it is the journey to and from your destination.

 

Let me ask you this:

 

After reading the first six pages of this story, if someone asks you to characterize Sunil, Kriti, Pallu, Reeva, Raman, Prabhat, Uday or Dr. Bhatt in a paragraph, can you do it? Do you feel these people after reading this part? If you don’t, then I failed. Simple. Through details, I was not only telling you what had happened, I was also introducing you to these people so that you can write a paragraph on them.

 

Contrasting with a novel …

 

In short stories you only have the luxury of explaining how the three men were walking. You can’t describe their looks, outfits, the streets, the lights, the traffic… In a novel, the first paragraph itself would be at least three pages long.

 

Keep on telling me how you feel. When I write, comments like yours help me a lot. Thank you so much.

 

 

Rythm,

 

“Nice going.” That’s it? You have not read it, have you? Grrrrrrrrrr. Why are you not writing?  

 

Occult/Lootebhai,

Read and tell.

 

Tisa,

I understand. Ali hataar garera post gariyo ke. Sorry.

 

 

Can a forest have two lion kings? 

Can Baikuntha have two Basukis?? 

Can there be two Buddhas???

Can there be two undisputed master story tellers in one forum????

Yes!

Yes!!

Yes!!!

Yes!!!!

There is Deep and there is Sum_Off.  Both so good, both so complementary to each other.  We, the humble Sajha-basis are fortunate to have two maestros among our midst. 

Welcome back, brother.

This must be my lucky day It felt so real, Sum_off..Needless to say, enjoyed thoroughly and waiting for the next part..

Sumoff,
Saw this piece this afternoon, could not resist. I agree with you that the detail is the story and detailed it is. Loved every sentence of this story. This story is more poetic than any other. If I could give you pulitzer for the following lines, i would;

- For a moment, they all forgot that they did not have the luxury of time to be shocked, or to be distressed.

- “He just shouted for help seconds ago.” Pallu vocalized her hope, triggering a response to and from her own frozen self.

- Sunil kept on staring at his mother. Words failed him. But like no actor in the world could, his eyes portrayed the most authentic role of a man’s desire to be alive. Suspicious of permanent darkness that it might lead to, his eyes refused to blink.

- It was too early to rationalize whether it was too late to grieve. The short time she had spent in her son’s room had clogged her mind with too many questions. At that moment, she feared nothing more than her own questions, because she knew her questions were answerable.

- Everyone paused in their listening pose, as if they wanted a still photograph of their curiosity.

- The blank that their faces drew hinted only confusion. There was no trace of anger in their expressions. Having sustained so many spasms in so little time, their face muscles were too tired to stretch for a new sensation.

- When he saw Sunil resting on the floor surrounded by his traumatized family, in spite of being very close to them, he refrained from making any impulsive comments. He chose to be a doctor because that felt easier.

- Kriti had somehow managed to keep a stiff upper lip. Because every time she cried, it felt therapeutic, and she did not want to be healed so quickly.

I completely agree bro that travelling is just not reaching the destination, it's how you get there. You take us there fine.  When is the other part due?

Sum off, ma good man...My eyes are dying for more!  You left me stranded like a sucka with blue-balls. hahaha.  Hope this can be completed quickly as I'm loving the incomplete story.  A magnificent job so far (as always)!!

BTW, Riten, I haven't read much of Deep's works as yet, so he wouldn't make the cut to being a lion king.  From my perspective, John Galt would be the other lion (with Oys_chill and Amber running a close behind).  And what about Ratobhaley's comedies?  Cracked me up every single time (even though some of it were meant to be serious).  They are all, in my mind story-tellers extraordinaire.

You come up with meticulous details sum_off,
haplessly in Bishalnagar the trio might be peddling dope and sunil might have been on the receiving end........ haha that is how I would elucidate if I were you ( I can't be you though, you are one Mr extraordinaire as Samsara rightly said...........)
If Aesop was alive and telling would he look like you??................one bad analogy, i m sorry( trying to add some humor haha)
Can't wait to read the other half, or is it going to be 1/3,1/4........give it and i will read it. Btw I saw a thread somewhere here in sajha, what would you do if you were high
my answer undoubtedly------------------i would read sum_off

and yeah dasain ma nidhar khali, tihar ma khalti khali hehe (was good) how was yours?? ( i have to be courteous as you are.... in asking)

occult

Samsara, if you have not read much of Deep's work, how can you make the judgement whether he is lion king material or not?

But thank you for reminding me of John Galt.  It's just that he is gone from the forum for so long that I completely forgot about him.  He is another stalwart.

I am afraid I have not read works of Oys Chill or Amber or Ratobhaley.  Mero kami, uuniharuko hoina.

Here, you have just described a single scene. It feels to me as if the scene is the center of a circle, the story being the area covered by the circle, and is spreading up covering all of its surrounding, and not just moving on towards another point. Not only to find out what's going to happen next, I desperately want to know what happened before that.

Very intense and readable. Thank you.

 

Sweet !!

sum_off kaaji, daro katha chha ni ! why is it that no matter how busy i am, i always never can stop after reading a few lines of your work ? you're good, you know it ! but it feels nice to remind you of your "goodness" ! waiting for next part/s !!

dashain tihar was nothing special, hope you had fun!

Riten,

Thank you sir. Welcome back. I write because of friends like you. I found something for you in the web; hope it will bring a smile in your face.

http://www.muzimotors.com/ 

Sndy,

Ke chha saathi? Dashain tihaar kasto vayo?

Oho,

You have become one of my most favorite people in Sajha. If I was asked to pick eight (the way you did) lines from the story, I would most probably have picked those too (except for one or two). You made my day. Thank you so much. I owe you one. Big one. Germantown, re? Ma ta dherai maanchhe laai chinchhu ni tetaa tira.

Samsara,

Thank you. So how goes your dissertation work? When are you defending?

Occult,

Lau na lau kati mitho lekheko ho. Danga nai pare ma ta. High hudaa kheri mero padhne re? Wow. Dherai dherai dhanyabaadhai.

Kevin,

Keep on writing yours. I read the first three or four, but I have not found time since. You are doing a helluva job translating. Instead of replying to your own thread, why don't you append to the original message? Utilize the new edit facility. Just separate each chapter by couple of lines and add the date. You can always revive the thread with a reply: "I have added the new chapter. Scroll up and read." Just a suggestion.

Freak,

Ke chha haalkhabar? Thank you. It's been a while in Sajha, looks like only few still remember me. That sucks. But I knew you would show up. Espaali taas maa khub paisaa maariyo. Sadhai haarne maanchhe ma, khub majja aayo.